Chronic Grief and the Holidays
Next week is Thanksgiving and Christmas isn’t far behind! I love these holidays but for many families the holidays can be a sad time as they grieve loved ones who have been lost, relationships that have been severed or other difficult situations.
For families with children impacted by disability, this can also be a difficult time. There can be a grieving of lost family traditions, the mourning of distanced family relationships due to lack of understanding of your child’s disability, and grief related to how the disability impacts your child.
Don’t hear me say that there aren’t many wonderful things about our children or that they are somehow less than. I’m NOT saying that at all. Our children are fearfully and wonderfully made but that doesn’t mean we don’t grieve. This grief can even become chronic.
You may be thinking, “What is that? Chronic grief?”
With “typical” grief there is a definitive start point and while the timeframe varies from person to person, the person grieving eventually arrives at a place of acceptance and the grief generally diminishes. It may spike on significant dates such as birthdays and anniversaries.
With “chronic” grief, the loss is a living loss. At its core, there is a discrepancy between what is perceived as a painful reality on one hand and continues to be dreamed of on the other hand. The loss is ongoing since the source of the loss continues to be present.
Lorna Bradley had the following to say about the grief we experience as parents in this disability journey:
“All parents have hopes, dreams and expectations for the life of their child. There is an expected order to life with developmental milestones leading toward maturity and independence. With every milestone that is not met, every hardship the child faces related to their need, every struggle the parent faces as they care for their child, the parent is thrown back into grief with all its ferocity. The parent will eventually develop new dreams for their child and family but will always mourn the child and family life that never was.”
Are there things you are grieving this holiday season? Be assured, that you have a savior who gets it. Jesus was acquainted with grief intimately.
Isaiah 53:3 – A man of sorrows acquainted with deepest grief.
Hebrews 2:18 -Jesus was tested & suffered and is able to help those who are tested.
John 11:33-35 – Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus.
Hebrews 5:7-9 - He offered prayers & pleadings with a loud cry & tears to the One who could rescue him from death.
John 12:27 – My soul is deeply troubled.
Matthew 26:37-38 – He became anguished & distressed. His soul was crushed with grief to the point of death.
In this Thanksgiving and Christmas season, if grief is hitting you extra hard. Be assured that you are not alone. God is our helper and has given us a comforter.
Written by Jonathan McGuire
