My 4 Tips for Surviving a Special Needs Train Wreck
My 4 tips for surviving a special needs train wreck became part of my life decades ago. Our son, who’d had major corrective surgery at birth, was thriving.
Or so we thought.
Then he pulled away one night while I nursed him. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he quit breathing. I screamed for my husband, who improvised his own version of baby CPR.
It worked.
I ran for the phone to call for an ambulance. Minutes later we were on our way to Rapid City Regional Hospital where the problem was diagnosed. The next day a medical transport plane flew my son and me to the University of Nebraska Hospital in Omaha for more corrective surgery. The surgery was a success, his recovery slow, steady, his long term prognosis good.
Even so, I struggled.
Our son’s health setback gobsmacked me. My husband, my parents and siblings, my friends were hundreds of miles away. I was alone on my birthday. From my perspective, the situation felt unsurvivable.
Yet we survived.
Our young family (including our son who is now 40) endured several more complications that required unexpected hospital stays. Over time I developed these 4 ways to cope with the train wrecks that are part of raising a child with disabilities and special needs.
Tip #1: Note the Ways God Prepared You
Sending our baby off to surgery again was hard. Even so, I was a better prepared parent the second time around. During the stay at Rapid City Regional, my husband went home and packed my suitcase with clothes and items we knew made hospital stays easier. Also, the hospital was a familiar place. I knew nurses in the neonatal intensive care unit I left them a message, and several of them visited. Those details showed how God had prepared the way, that this hospital trip was part of His plan. Let the evidence of God’s sovereignty over your family’s train wreck do the same for you.
Tip #2: Find Blessings Along the Way
Several blessings surprised me as the days unfolded. As a nursing mother, I had a seat on the medical transport plane. In a pediatric wing, even in 1982, I was treated like royalty. I stayed in my son’s room. They provided toiletries, a shower, a breast pump, and meals at no cost. Because my basic needs were taken care of, I had energy and time to advocate and care for our son. When we as parents look for and are buoyed by blessings in hard times, our capacity to care for our children grows.
Tip #3: Ask for Prayer and Practical Help
The prayers of friends and families made a difference during our son’s many surgeries and recoveries. I learned to ask people to pray in specific ways, and they did. When I finally requested help for specific, practical needs, the people who responded revealed God at work. When you ask for practical help, God will make others the answers to your prayer. Can you think of a better way to cope when life is hard?
Tip #4: Tend to Your Needs
When there’s a special needs train wreck, our first priority as parents is to protect our kids. I spent days protecting our son after his surgery. Eventually he stabilized. The nurses provided good care, and I could tend to my own needs. But I felt guilty and selfish paying attention to myself instead of him. How can we avoid that trap? By tending to our needs when our kids are in good hands. Those hands may not be as capable as ours, but they are good enough for a short time. Take advantage of those good enough hands while we can. so we can take care of our needs and return refreshed, recharged, and able to survive the ride.
Written by Jolene Philo
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She's also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. See Jane Run!, the first book in the West River cozy mystery series was released in June of 2022.
