When The Rug Gets Yanked Out From Under Your Life

The last year and a half has been a doozy for me, and I’d guess it has been for many of us for different reasons. I mean, 2020-2021, seriously? Over this year and a half my personal inner-life journey has taken me on quite a ride and while circumstances have offered up different challenges that haven’t resolved yet, my personal journey has been life-giving.

How does that happen? How can we not have circumstances align with what we want or need, yet have our heart, mind, & soul thrive anyway?

I’ll give a caveat that my most basic physical needs were met. I had a roof over my head, heat, food, water, sleep, and my immediate family with me whom I love dearly and who love me. The rest of life, including a house, friends, church, church family, homeschool group, and a significant chunk of our income, well, those were stripped away and my health was already greatly diminished, so that’s where I was a year and a half ago.

How do we move forward when the rug gets yanked out from under us and our life, as it has been, as we liked, as we dreamed of and worked to build, suddenly crumbles? For some of us that day is when our child gets a diagnosis that we know will change our lives forever. For some, a job loss. For some, a support system we depend on suddenly isn’t dependable or even available. What then?

Finding a private place to melt into a pile on the floor and cry it out with a bag of Lindt chocolates (my personal favorite – the chocolate, not the melting into a sobbing mess) close at hand may come first. Screaming to God about it might happen too. Grief – however that looks for you – is important. Acknowledging the pain (in a healthy way – not hurling anger on everyone around us) is critical! If we bury it, it will fester and cause other problems.

After scraping myself off the floor and expressing my feelings and thoughts to God repeatedly, this is what I did. I made a conscious choice that when I stepped out of my beloved house and into my new (not what I would have chosen) residence, I would NOT complain. Complaints would not cross my lips. I could still acknowledge & grieve the sadness of the losses, but I would not complain about the present.

It took several months, but the resolution to not complain morphed into intentionally looking for things to be thankful for – every day. And when challenges arose, to look for what I could be thankful for in the situation. I didn’t deny that it wasn’t ideal or that it wasn’t hard or unwanted, but I’d look for the good in it.

Instead of griping about the hot water running out 6 minutes into my shower, I could be thankful for the hot water I did have and get my hair cut shorter so I could take quicker showers. Guess what, I got lots of compliments on my shorter hair. It suits me better!

Instead of complaining about things breaking, falling off, or getting damaged on our new home (an RV), I could focus on being thankful for a resourceful, capable, problem-solving husband and it became part of the adventure.

One of the latest examples, I was commenting to a friend how I felt bad for my kids and how they weren’t getting to experience a typical (even typical for homeschool) high school experience with friends close by, sports, group activities, etc. during these critical years. She graciously called my attention to all they are getting to experience. A few hours later as I reflected on the conversation, I realized an unfavorable trait (that isn’t the kind that can be overcome with teaching or training) that had characterized one of my sons a good part of his life had completely disappeared over the previous year. Oh my, I’d been focused on what my husband and I weren’t able to provide for them and what I thought was lacking and instead there was so, so much he had gained that was worth invaluably more!

I have a long way to go in overcoming my negative thinking and making thankfulness my default, but one day at a time, I get closer to that goal!

How about you, have you ever taken a period of time to intentionally focus on annihilating complaining and to be purposefully thankful? How did it go? What happened?

Written by Sarah McGuire

SARAH MCGUIRE IS THE MOM OF TWO BOYS AND CO-FOUNDER OF HOPE ANEW, A NONPROFIT THAT GUIDES PARENTS TO CHRIST-CENTERED HOPE AND HEALING. YOU CAN FOLLOW HOPE ANEW ON FACEBOOK HERE.

"Status Quo"

The phrase “status quo” has popped up a few times recently in conversations and in things I have been reading, which got me thinking about my feelings regarding things being “status quo” or not.  Status quo is used to describe a normal state of affairs, not bad, not good, but mostly unchanging.  When people describe their life as in a state of status quo, it’s describing their normal.  Although this sense of normalcy has dramatically shifted over the past 12+months and settled into a new place and feels like globally is shifting once again.  This idea of things feeling like they may be in a state of status quo hit with a stinging reality as I reflected on my life.  What would the status quo look like for me? What would the simplicity of a day to day routine that felt very much normal be? What would it be like to not be navigating the ups and downs of crisis but just moving through the normalcy of life?  Maybe, status quo is not fantastic, but maybe it is not filled with as many curve balls as my life feels like it has. 

I have heard it said that Jesus came to disrupt the status quo.  I can see this in the way he gave most of his attention to people who were not regarded as important.  You see this further in his disruption of religious laws that became the focus of worship rather than God.  And who the Jews expected to be the messiah, was not Jesus.  They expected a powerful ruler, not a baby born in a manger.  I think the feeling like things are not status quo is ok.  I think navigating the change and up’s and down’s of life that don’t feel routine or normal are ok too.  It’s how we respond to these unsettling circumstances that are important.  It feels like this is what I signed up for, things not ever being normal as we serve and trust God more.  

As we continue to navigate life that feels disrupted by circumstances, family, children, jobs or joblessness and more here are a few big picture thoughts to come back to:

Let GOD be GOD- Many times I remind myself “You have faith in God for a reason, let Him be in this with you.”  We must remember who is in control ultimately and not try to sabotage what God is doing in us and through us.  Don’t let fear take away from the growing that God is doing in these times that feel upside down, but actually pull closer to God and ask him to show you more clearly the purpose. The familiar story from the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke of when Jesus calms the storm is a good reminder of the vast power and control the Lord has over everything. 

Jesus  replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” Matthew 8:26-27

Keep moving forward- The tendency to let fear to hold us in a state of indecision can be problematic.  Keeping momentum even when things are not what we had hoped is important.  Every morning before school, my girls pick out a mantra from a list we heard about from Big Life Kids.  Many mornings these simple statements the girls pick for themselves stick in my mind as I go through the day. Two common statements chosen are “ My imperfect action is better than no action at all” and “I have grit and I won’t quit.”.  These simple statements remind all of us to move forward through the hard and continue on.  Building a mindset of positive, forward motion through the things that don’t feel normal is healthy.  

The Lord encourages us as he encouraged Joshua to keep moving forward and lead the Israelites into the promised land - “Be strong and courageous, do not lose hope, for the Lord your God is with you.”Joshua 1:9

Be generous-  The idea of generosity can be molded into many different domains of our time, resources, words, etc, but in the end- the act of giving ends up returning some vital things when we are in a season of chaos.  A few of the benefits of generosity noted in the Pyshalive article are that generosity improves our sense of purpose, deepens relationships and connections, and reduces stress.  All of these benefits are what we are looking for when we are seeking a sense of status quo that we can not find.  In these circumstances where we feel like the bottom is falling out we must remember where our heart is rooted.  

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

It feels like most days my family is living our life on the edge and I don’t think we are that unusual in those feelings.  We have weathered unexpected changes, and detours and sit in the present place trying to put the pieces in order to make sense looking ahead.  Looking behind us feels like a trail of wreckage that we call our life.  The only thing keeping us together is that we are graciously provided what we need for today. When I feel like my life is moving towards chaos, I remind myself of what is true and practice the things that bring me back to my root system of our loving God.

Written by Naomie Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

You're Grounded!!!

Let’s talk parenting!

 Parenting is one of the greatest joys and greatest challenges all at the same time. Overwhelming joy and deepest grief. This month, we’re looking at something we do daily as a part of parenting…DISCIPLINE. 

We want so much for our kids. We love them with everything we are and have, and yet so often our relationships with them are characterized by frustration, tension, and conflict. When we correct them, what we really want to see is heart change, but most often after a discipline issue parent’s feel they’ve missed the mark or that their kid just hard-hearted and resistant.

But all is NOT lost – there is hope!

In the Hope Anew Online Community during the month of April the theme has been parenting. There are 4 short videos posted there on the subject:

Video 1 – I share some philosophies and approaches Jonathan and I have come to embrace in our parenting after some trial and error and weeding through MANY parenting books & approaches and even counseling courses. I share some reviews of and links to those in the next blog post.

 I also share some things we do NOT do or STOPPED doing (because they were counterproductive, but the most well-known Chrisitan parenting advice says that’s exactly how to parent). And, I share some things we DO do and have found to be beneficial that’s rarely taught.  

Videos 2 & 3 – We take the last part of video 1 (what TO do) to the next level as we look at the book Discipline That Connects with Your Child’s Heart by Jim & Lynne Jackson 

Video 4 – Is about the power of vision-casting and blessing in our kids’ lives.

If you are finding that parenting is an area that leaves you hopeless, exasperated, or isn’t going how you hoped it would (beyond your child having extra challenges), hop on over to the Online Community and take a look at the videos and see what your next step could be in disciplining and discipling your kiddos!

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Making Memories Where We Are

Travel.  Wait, what does that word even mean?  It’s been so long since I’ve traveled I almost can’t remember our last real pack a suitcase vacation.  I bet a lot of us feel that way after the year that has just passed.  Many families have been home and kind of grounded from travel. If they have traveled it’s been mostly with the members of their household.  As I watched how people were affected by that and how they responded to having to stay home rather than travel or forego the multi-family beach house, it got me thinking.  I started thinking about how it didn’t feel all that different to me.  I thought about how I’ve been watching families experience travel and vacations from the pages of my social media accounts for years, while seated on the same couch cushion of my sofa.  It dawned on me that this past year gave other families just a taste of how families like mine often function.  

Every member of my immediate family loves to visit and explore new places.  There are various reasons that our opportunities to vacation have virtually come to a standstill, one of them being finances. The cost of therapies and such can add up, and really do a number on your disposable income.  Another reason is that certain invitations to travel that were once there, are no longer there.  None of the reasons, though, are the needs of our exceptional child directly.  Our family could easily accommodate those.  Families in our position know how to make the correct arrangements and preparations. 

If this is your situation, please know that you are not at all alone. For our family, regardless of these hurdles, we were determined to still get out there and experience wonderful times outside of our home.  We’ve really found great ways to work around the obstacles and continue to see new places and find what we like to call “adventures''.  Our adventures consist of day trips doing anything we can find with the one requirement of being back home by bedtime. I’ve become our resident adventure planner, and my family has come to depend on these day trips.  So much so, that the first thing I’m asked on a Friday afternoon is, “Where is our adventure this weekend, Mom?”  

They may not be the same as a week in some fancy resort, but our little day trips have really added to our life experience.  You don’t have to miss out on getting away, just because of your family's differences.  It can just look different.  We’ve visited landmarks and historical spots that I never knew about.  We’ve had beautiful days in state parks and on the beach. We even found an app that guided us through a driving tour of Washington DC!   I do my best to plan every detail, so I can pack our minivan chock full of anything and everything we will need for the day.  With certain food restrictions among us, and special diets, I stock the backseat with a cooler full of approved, but exciting, choices for snacks and meals. We really make a pretty big deal out of these trips.  I tuck in special blankets and use fun pillowcases, to help make that van seat cozier than just a typical weekday trip to the grocery store.

I think it all boils down to finding the joy right where we are.  I don’t mean physically, but more where we have found ourselves right now in life.  Travel does not need to be extravagant to be memorable.  Sure, it may be a while before we’re planning our family adventure to DisneyWorld. In the meantime, though, I can’t think of anything more joyful than the look on my children’s faces as they hop into that loaded up Honda Odyssey bound for a day spent discovering and making beautiful memories.

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

The Hour

There has always been a time of day in which things seem to be extra hard.  The volume on the emotions are turned up high. It comes as predictably as clockwork each day.  As much as I try to prepare myself for this time, or just embrace it, I can't change the course of that time of day.  It’s in these moments of the day that I begin to question my every ability to do the simple, most innate things for myself and my family.  The morning after a particularly challenging evening, I found myself in the Walmart parking lot writing down the words of this poem.

THE HOUR

5:00- World is collapsing in on itself.

Can I multiply myself to cover all the needs? 

Put out the fires?

5:03-The worst parts of all of us

are sneaking out.

Quickly colliding.

5:13- Need to cook dinner, 

Recipe is too complicated.

Just can’t.

I think I forgot to buy the ingredients, or were they eaten?

I yell.

Get it together.

5:18-Second grade math homework.

The chaos clouds her mind.

She makes the same mistakes.

We do this everyday.

Why does it continue like this?

She’s refusing.

I’m at a loss, 

Be patient.

There’s not enough of me,

I’m withering inside.

Why can I not calm this part of the day?

5:23- Frustration welling up.

They are all fighting.

Now crying.

Lord, surround us.

Don’t even mention the needs of the dog.

5:30- Husband should be home,

No, he said he was working late.

Can’t do this.

I need to change the course we are on.

5:37- Don’t think this will help but- “Pandora play hymns”.

Sing even though you don’t know the words.

Sing even though it doesn't feel like you deserve this.

Dinner is leftovers.

It’s fine.

Turn up the volume on the music.

5:45 -Give someone a hug

Apologize for losing my patience, 

losing my mind.

5:50- Homework finished, incredibly.

Please set the table. 

I still need help. 

We can do this together better.

6:00- Daughter says the dinner prayer.

“Thank you God for my family, 

Did she hear me yelling?

For this delicious meal, 

It’s leftovers from last night!

My friends.

Yes, we need to feel accepted.

Keep us safe and healthy.

I can do this, we made it.

Amen.”

Hope.

Coincidence, I think not, that this poem was scratched down on the back of a piece of paper outlining St. Ignatius Loyola's Examen.  It is a method of prayerfully looking at your day and seeking to find God in it.  So in the company of the Holy Spirit we are invited to become aware of God’s presence and look back on the events of our day with gratitude. The mess of happy, confusing, fun, disappointing, ugly, beautiful moments that made up the day.  We are encouraged to become aware of God’s presence and movement in our emotions.  This is an opportunity for God to point out where we may have fallen short.  We then pick one moment of the day and pray through it with the Holy Spirit.  This could be a positive moment or negative moment, monumental or insignificant.  Allow the prayer to arise from your heart and push you to praise, repent, or ask for guidance. And finally, look forward to tomorrow. Ask God to go before you in tomorrow’s challenges and be a light.  Be aware of your feelings and offer them to God and pray for hope.  

The Lord’s love surrounds those who trust him.  -Psalm 32:10

Be joyful because you have hope.  Be patient when trouble comes.  Pray at all times. -Romans 12:12

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has.